Participant 1: Where are you from?
Me: I’m from Germany
Participant 1 (to participant 2): You've lived in Europe, haven’t you?
Participant 2: Yes
Me: Whereabouts did you live?
Participant 2: In Latvia and Poland
Me: Oh great. How did you like it? Where did you like best?
Participant 2: Hmm
Participant 1: Haha Where the prettiest girls lived of course
Now, some might argue that nothing particular happened in this interaction. That all was perfectly harmless and normal. But it is precisely this ‘normality’ which bothers me; that it’s perfectly ‘everyday’ to make such remarks. Just think: if the reverse just sounds plain weird: Where the prettiest boys lived... why should reducing women to a country ‘highlight’ be okay?
In an all-male environment we might have had a brief chuckle or even a shared bonding moment. Power would have been affirmed. But as myself, a woman in an all-male group, I felt self-conscious. Othered. Ashamed. Disrespected. No longer the group co-leader but a mere body. Moreover, I felt silenced – and not only because the comment seemed inappropriate, but also because I was in a work situation. And work situations come with their own norms and regulations, i.e. it’s much harder to say ‘f-off’!
So readers I need your help! How do you deal with these situations? What do you say to that?
*The above conversation is recorded from memory. While the words might not have been spoken in this exact order, the sexism is remembered perfectly.